A moment that changed me: I became an uncle – and it helped me heal from childhood bullying

My ‘niblings’ gave me a positive reason to return to the home town where I’d experienced homophobia as a boy. Over time, they transformed my sense of family and self When I found out I had become an uncle, I was 22 and on a year abroad as part of a languages degree, living in Madrid. I’d spent much of my time there having raucous fun on the city’s gay scene, dancing till the early hours then sloping off with Spanish men. It felt a long way from my family life back home in Bolton. As this was 1997 – a time before mobile phones – calls from landlines had to be rationed to once a week. But my mum phoned to tell me my sister had gone into labour and then, two days later, the phone rang again with the news that I had a nephew. It felt like an abstract concept, not quite real. I was desperate to meet the baby but had to wait six weeks till the end of the academic year and my flight home. So I reverted to having wild nights out in Madrid. When I woke up with a strange man and an apocalyptic hangover, I couldn’t see how my life was compatible with the responsibility of being an uncle. When I finally met my nephew, I fell instantly in love. But he was so small and fragile, I