Don’t tiptoe around your problems. Couples can learn to maneuver through emotional minefields | CNN

Ian Kerner is a licensed marriage and family therapist, writer and contributor on the topic of relationships for CNN. His most recent book is a guide for couples, “So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.” Walking on eggshells. Avoiding each other. Silencing yourself. If you’re engaging in those behaviors, your relationship may not be emotionally safe. For many couples, having a difficult conversation is like navigating a minefield — and by the time they get to my office, their relationship has often endured multiple blasts. Even during initial sessions, one partner — or both — are still tiptoeing around the other, afraid of triggering a sudden explosion. It makes sense: The nervous system is designed to respond to threats. If it becomes triggered even by a disagreement with your partner — it can go into fight-or-flight mode, making healthy communication near impossible. But being a couples therapist is like being a minesweeper: We want to create a space that’s emotionally safe, with the goal that a couple will soon be able to defuse those mines on their own with expert precision. Editor’s note: If you fear for your physical safety, please call the National Dom