Tim Dowling: I’m all for ‘letting the outdoors in’ – but I draw the line at pigeons

Opening up the back doors means we have a few uninvited guests in the house, giving my wife the opportunity to practise her tea towel bird-catching technique Our kitchen extension is typical of the area: a single-storey box with a big skylight, a picture window and glass double doors leading to the garden. It’s the sort of arrangement that advocates say brings the outdoors indoors. What they don’t say is: birds will get in. It’s largely a summer problem, when the double doors are flung open and the sunlight through the glass creates the illusion that kitchen and garden are one. Sometimes a magpie will stroll in off the lawn, glance around in confusion and walk back out, as if he were looking for sporting equipment and mistakenly found himself in housewares. But it’s not usually that straightforward. My wife posts a picture of a goldfinch sitting on top of the cupboards to the family WhatsApp, captioned “kitchen visitor”. “Did he get out?” asks the oldest one. “Yes, I threw a tea towel over him,” my wife writes. “Dad was hiding due to his bird phobia.” “I do not have a bird phobia,” I say, posting my own picture of the goldfinch to prove I was very muc