Tim Dowling: our new electric car has a mind all of its own

Perhaps I’ll learn to love our EV once it stops talking utter nonsense – and knows where it’s going You don’t say goodbye to your old car when you get a new car – I mean, I’m presuming they’d let you if you made a fuss, but they make no provision for it. It just gets left there in the car park, awaiting its next owner. They’ve already taken the keys. Instead, my wife and I are escorted through a different exit, where our new electric car awaits, still wet in places from a recent wash. The salesperson is leaning in the driver’s window, explaining the dashboard display and steering column toggles to me, but I’m not listening. After two long showroom visits, I’ve had enough of car buying. “That blue bar there,” he says, “shows the level of regenerative braking at any given …” “OK, thanks, bye,” I say, pulling away and out through the gates. “I don’t know what any of this means,” I say to my wife, waving at the screen and the dashboard. “We’ll have to sit with the manual for a bit,” she says. “Wait, am I going left here?” I say. “How do I indicate? Shit.” When we get home my wife takes the middle one for a drive through the neighbourhood, and then spends an hour sitting in the car tryi