This is how we do it: ‘My sex life with her is completely separate to my life as a divorced father’

A casual arrangement became something more substantial for Shani and Can, who are happy living in the moment How do you do it? Share the story of your sex life, anonymously double quotation markI was used to telling people that I could only offer them adventure, but with Shani that wasn’t true I remember the moment Shani leaned forward slightly at brunch. We started kissing but we were a bit tipsy so decided to leave it there. I’d been poly for seven years after my divorce, rediscovering myself through the pleasure of connection with different people. Shani and I both decided to stop having sex with other people so that we could experience each other fully. I was used to telling people that I could only offer them adventure, but with Shani that wasn’t true. Maybe it was timing, or that she also wanted good sex with someone who didn’t need a relationship. In the beginning, she focused on the physical – I was more of a sexual tool for her than a partner, and I understood why she needed that. But trust grew slowly and Shani began to let her guard down. Now she says she likes my company as well as my anatomy. More than two years in, we still can’t get enough. We only see ea