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My life collapsed when my husband had an affair. How can I recover? | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

It’s OK to be angry at your husband – the shame isn’t yours to carry I have been married for 30 years. Until recently, we were the best of friends. Then he began being distant, though he remained kind. I thought this was a passing phase, a midlife crisis of some sort. But one day I found out by chance that he had been engaged in a year-long affair with another woman. Life as I knew it collapsed. It was not so much that my world was turned upside down, as it lost its cohesion. I was instantly reduced to pieces. No matter how much I try to make sense of it all, I cannot. I am (was?) a super-active person with many interests, and this betrayal has splintered me and narrowed everything down to this single event. I wake up thinking about it and go to bed thinking about it. But the worst thing is the sense of utter shame at being deceived, at having lived a lie, of not being good enough. When I am alone, I am assailed by awful thoughts. I long to feel in control of my life again. I don’t want to end up bitter. I know I am not the first, and nor will I be the last person to go through this, but what does it take to recover? And am I overreacting? There was no mention in your letter of wha

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Mar 15, 2026·The GuardianT2 · Outlet report
My life collapsed when my husband had an affair. How can I recover? | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

It’s OK to be angry at your husband – the shame isn’t yours to carry I have been married for 30 years. Until recently, we were the best of friends. Then he began being distant, though he remained kind. I thought this was a passing phase, a…

Read original at The Guardian →
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Mar 15, 2026·The GuardianT2 · Outlet reportLATEST
My life collapsed when my husband had an affair. How can I recover? | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

It’s OK to be angry at your husband – the shame isn’t yours to carry I have been married for 30 years. Until recently, we were the best of friends. Then he began being distant, though he remained kind. I thought this…

Read original at The Guardian →

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What this story stands on. Tier 0 is a primary record or the subject's own words; higher tiers must be attributed, never stated as bare fact.

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T2 · Outlet reportThe GuardianMar 15, 2026

It’s OK to be angry at your husband – the shame isn’t yours to carry I have been married for 30 years. Until recently, we were the best of friends. Then he began being distant, though he remained kind. I thought this was a passing phase, a…

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Tier key: T0 = Primary source · T1 = Wire · T2 = Outlet report · T3 = Commentary

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